How Teens and Parents Trigger Each Other
When parents and teens interact, the solution can become the problem.
Here's an example: a teenager is depressed and starts slacking off on his homework. His mother notices, and keeps reminding him to do the work. She becomes increasingly frustrated as he doesn't listen.
The teen interprets these reminders as disapproval and "nagging," and becomes deaf to Mom's advice. He stops homework altogether and throws in some rude comments to get back at her. Now Mom's really mad, and she starts to yell. And the cycle continues.
So the original problem of depression and laziness becomes depression, laziness, anger, defiance, arguing and attitude.
I help parents and teens weed through the negative communication habits and get to the underlying problems. I encourage the teen to identify what they are actually motivated to do, and enlist their ideas in a solution. I help parents listen to their teen, so their teen will listen to them, and find ways to encourage their offspring.
I understand that this is not the pattern in every family. Or maybe the nagging-slacking pattern is only a small part of the problem. Still, I chose this example to illustrate that I'm not interested in placing all the blame on one person, be it parent or child. Some teens resist therapy because they're afraid that it's going to be a scolding session. I don't do scolding. Even if one person, parent or child, has a major problem, the best solution involves everybody in the family.
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