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The Sum of Our Parts
Book Review of Internal Family Systems by Richard C. Schwartz (Guilford Press, 1995)
reviewed by Jennifer Whitlock
One reason people won't admit their problems is that they think they are their problems. If you think "I am jealous," that makes you seem petty and small.
Professionals reinforce this mindset when they over focus on diagnosis. If we say someone is bipolar, we focus on a person's most extreme feelings and thoughts and treat them as manifestations of their essential, defective nature.
In Internal Family Systems Therapy, Richard Schwartz shows that extreme thoughts and feelings are results of extremes within small parts of us, not evidence that we're bad to the core. We all host an internal community of sub- personalities, each of which has its own thoughts, temperaments, talents, needs and desires. They fight for control, bargaining with, deceiving and plotting against each other. Sometimes, as in the case of addictions, the happiness of one causes the misery of another.
The solution is not to get rid of these parts. They are all trying to help, even if their misguided solutions end up causing new problems.
Schwartz shows how we can establish inner peace by listening to each part, calming the distressed parts and helping them find better ways to get their needs met.
I wrote this book report to explain what I absorbed from this book, and what I mean when I talk about my clients' "parts." This theory is particular relevant to psychodrama, a creative technique I have studying for years.
Most people have parts that fall into three main categories. When a person has been hurt, humiliated, frightened or shamed in their past, they develop parts called Exiles that carry the emotions, memories and sensations from those experiences. Other parts banish them from consciousness, accusing them of being embarrasing, weak, annoying or too darn painful. This rejection cause the Exiles to feel ignored and unlovable, and they are desperate to be heard and cared for. When their needs are met, childlike qualities such as spontaneity and joy are free to be expressed.
Managers try to keep the exiles out of consciousness so they don't overwhelm the self with feelings. They do this by maintaining control of themselves and the environment. They try to prevent rejection by keeping others at a distance or pleasing people. They try to earn approval by keeping up appearances. Even though they can drive a person to success, there can be a price. They can be overly critical and demanding of the self in an attempt to achieve high standards. Like exiles, they want to be nurtured, but they believe they have to hide vulnerabilities and appear strong to be accepted.
The more competent Managers become, the more the system relies on them to boost confidence, and the more they become overwhelmed with their responsibilities. Underneath the strong exterior, managers are neglected, suffering and scared.
Firefighters, the third group of parts, try to extinguish feelings whenever exiles threaten to flood the person with emotion. They find stimulation that will distract or cut the Self off from the exile's feelings. Binging on drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or work and self-cutting are common firefighter activities.
Firefighters have the same basic goal as the managers -- to keep the exiles exiled -- but their strategies are different. Managers are rational and controlled, while Firefighters are impulsive, unthinking and reactive. Managers call upon firefighters when necessary but afterward scornfully attack them for having made the person indulgent or weak. Their disapproval can reactivate the Exiles, and the Firefighters come rushing back with sirens.
People who are addicted are often dominated by Firefighters; those who are depressed are often dominated by Managers, and those who experience bouts of intense sadness or fear may be dominated by Exiles.
At the core of it all is a wise Self. Ideally, it leads all. When a person is acting act their best, the self is in charge. They are confident, compassionate and accepting of self and others. They can observe the parts without letting them take over.
To get a simplified idea of how these players may interact, consider a hypothetical case of "Emily." Her father was overly critical, and as a result, she became desperate to win his approval. It was as if he stole her self esteem and now he holds the title to it. As she grew up, she kept trying to get self esteem back from her father and from men who resembled him. It was as if she had been cursed with unlovability and only acceptance from a critical man could lift the spell. Of course, by definition, critical men are unlikely to give approval. So she met disappointment time and time again. Each time, she lashed out angrily, causing the men to push her away even more.
Her feelings of hurt, rejection and anger become "Exiles" who looked to the wrong people for comfort. Her "Managers" acted as inner critics who tried to protect her from rejection by enforcing high standards. And when the wounded feelings hit, she turned to her favorite "firefighter" -- binging. Which led to further self recriminations.
In therapy, Emily learned to understand and care for her hurt inner parts. She came to see how her perfectionistic nagging triggered her hurt feelings, and she transformed this Critical Boss into a more accepting Advisor. As she healed her own parts, she became less likely to attack others when they did not meet her needs.
Therapists can help clients explore their parts through discussion and imagery. Psychodramatic techniques can allow parts to express themselves, talk with each other, negotiate better ways to get their needs met and to get comfort from the core self. The process of therapy is more complicated than I describe, and professionals are advised to look at the book for more details.
The book Internal Family Systems Therapy gives several more example of how this theory applies to different situations, including addictions and eating disorders. It is geared toward professionals and also is appropriate for non-professionals interested in psychological theory.I welcome any of my clients who find these concepts interesting to discuss them with me in therapy. ♥ end ♥
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